2020

This year started out just fine. My Taurus sun has already planned everything throughout the year – I'll be finishing my internship program + graduating on the mid-year, and wide-open job opportunities are calling afterward. Until in March, the pandemic hits.  

At first, I was doing fine with the pandemic and started to like things better (esp. about how everything can be done from home) but sometimes the schedule could drive me crazy with the mixed up of work & life balance from finishing my college final project, internship work tasks, to life at home. Eventually, it didn't go as well as I started out. I was diagnosed with psychosomatic that triggered by heavy stress during the days and it was not easy at all to fully focus on the healing with my aim to finish everything all at once. 

As time went by, I finished it all with a tough heart. I finished both my internship task & my college final project with (my own version of) great achievements. I left a good mark. As I planned early on before, I let myself take a little downtime afterward as I started to look out for jobs. I was looking for everything that I could dream of because now is the time to worry less about my career and just doing what I've been dreaming of - a position as a creative copywriter, an internship at Google, an opportunity at a big studio, you name it. 

During this time, my brother who has always love to cook started to spend more time in the kitchen. I have never been really interested in cooking, until that time. I started to watch more often every time my brother cook and tried to explore more recipes on my own. In addition to that, our mother has always been a great chef at home. Since then, we always set a daily menu and take turns in the kitchen to cook every day. This is how Another Cook Blog starts as a log of our home-cookings, yet later become a weekly small business and one of our highlight this year.

Besides cooking for ACB, I also gave a lot of thought to my further plan. Do I really want to go to work this soon? Do I dare enough to try something new? It finally came to the conclusion that I want to take a Master's Degree in Japan, an idea that I used to refuse back in my undergraduate college years. I want to learn more things, as far as I can get. I want to know how it feels like to live in Japan. I want to know other people's perspective from another side of the world. I want to look and explore beyond the border. This is probably the time I can seize the opportunity, time, spirit energy to take further education. Since then, I started to learn Japanese every day, look for my dream college option and scholarship, watch more Ghibli and Japanese TV shows, and so on. 

After all, this year is not only about achievement and plans, not only about the things that I have on the outside but also on the inside. Being away from people and the routine really helps me to know myself more. It was really hard at the beginning because I didn't have any distractions at all from the things that happened inside my head - everything seems stuck inside and I can't get it out. In addition to that, I also had some issues with letting go. Letting go of people, routine, work, you name it. I still want to have everything all at once. It was a very hard shifting that I experienced as I am facing this lockdown season right after I finished my internship and final college project, ones that used to keep me really busy during the day, suddenly finished altogether. I used to be so scared to be the one left behind by the others.

It was not easy at all but I know that I need to learn to let go. So I tried to look for a positive distraction. I started to rebuild my morning routine from an early morning walk, meditate, followed by a slow and mindful breakfast. This really helps me to clear out my mind from all the mind fog and nonsense. I locked a limit to my daily schedule and I tried to work smarter instead of work harder. I started to fully accept and believe in no one but myself. I started to think about things more clearly. From now on, I believe that enough is enough and I don't need to achieve everything all at once nor any validation from anyone. The journey wasn't done in a day, but I pushed myself to get through it. Fast forward to the end of this year, I am confident and happy, more than ever. I define and believe in my own path, I feel confident with my own self, and I feel happy inside and outside. 

Despite everything that happened this year, I still can't imagine what I'd be without this pandemic season. I feel grateful more than ever for this year. For those who know me, I am not the kind of person who celebrates New Year's Eve but this time is different. I feel like I have unlocked a big chain this year and I am ready for whatever it takes in the new year. Happy holidays!

2019

A remarkable teacher of mine passed away by a heart attack and my good friend passed away on a major car crash. Both happen so suddenly, without any warning nor prediction.

My childhood friend, one that I used to be so close with, got married by accident. It got me pretty traumatic, guilty, and shocked for more than a month.

Dad lost his voice in the election. Not so long after that, he got into the parliament as the party's representative, and everything was slowly improving. But then it comes to an end.

This year I got to drive a car on my own, but also the time where I have to let go of my ride.

This year was the time where I got struck by a lot of bitter stories from the past that leads me to try very, very hard to made peace with my past, my closest circle, and the present situation.

But out of all things happened... This year, I have finally achieved self-acceptance after years of struggling with it. It was not easy at all and it takes a lot of time, courage, and process. This year, I went to Japan with my own money after two years of having it on the bucket list. This year, I am surrounded by the most loving friends that got my back.  This year, I also met the most amazing people that bring me to a lot of good experience, memory, self-growth, and countless blessings.

I might say my 2019 was rough, but the blessings I had this year was infinite it covers up the wounds. I believe the universe will always try to keep its balance if we keep believing. I deeply realize there are more untold stories out there that are worse than my side story. Nobody said it was easy, but look; We made it. Here's to a fresh start. One thing I wished for 2020; I hope everyone let everyone be happy.

Blast of 2016

I like to keep track of the things I did in a year, as today is the first day of the new year I would like to break down a few moments and achievements that I have gained in the past year. To be honest, I was kind of upset when it got to the end of the year. My year was tough, a lot of unpredictable shits happened, and I didn't got as much as achievements as I planned before. I feel like I haven't done enough that year, but before it's getting to midnight I tried to scrolling down my photo gallery and tried to remember stuff that I have done in 2016. It also helps me to feel grateful for what I have done, and feel enough.

And yes, here goes the timeline of things that I have done in the past year.

I kind of losing track of what I have been doing in the first three months of the year, as far as I remember I was busy preparing contents for the 13th issue of my magazine. On the middle of March, I went to a local music festival that happened to be one of my favorite –– Music Gallery. I was really cherishing that moment as my first time watching MALIQ & D'Essentials live music gig. It may be cheesy, but it was my bucket list since 2010 and I finally accomplished it that night. Thank you, Music Gallery! One of the best music festival, indeed.

April was fun! I took a national exam on the first dates of April, followed by a little celebration that I did with my classmates. We went to karaoke and bought lots of chicken wings, fries, and churros – gossiping about nonsense and laughing at things. The next day, I paid a visit to Singapore and attending Singapore Art Book Fair. This time I went to Singapore and only visited lots of book and record store and it all was good. I managed  to bought some records as I also planned to buy a turntable player later in Jakarta's Records Store Day in the middle of April. To end the month, I went to Tame Impala concert with a few friends.

A note from this month, as one of the moment that I want to keep is the moment when I went to dinner with a group of good friends. It was right the night before my national exam. They never fails to be one of my support system and I could never thank them enough for what we have done together.

May. My favorite month of the year, which also my birthday. I was planning to spent my birthday differently this year. I managed to wandering around the city by myself one full day. To start the morning, I went to but first coffee in Dharmawangsa followed by lunch in Umabo (which already closed now, I'm sad). After that I went RUCI's Gallery to attend Anton Ismael's exhibition. On the evening, I went to a closed succulant plant garden in Fairgrounds. Before I end the day, I got a message from my friends to meet them in a coffee shop at Kemang, so I drove off there. And yes, they have prepared a surprise for me! And also a bunch of amazing gift that they made – call it a collaborative mixtape, a poster with my face drawn there, and postcards. One of the best birthday with the very first surprise I have ever got from a friend.

In the middle of May, me and my Knacker friends went to Malang for a short trip and attending Folk Music Festival which held by our friend. We were wandering around Batu and around the city, and stayed in a capsule hotel for the first time. I wrote down the experience here. It was a very good experience to plan off a holiday with your good friends.

Before May ends, I was attending a press conference of M83, a french electronic band in Fairmont Jakarta. I met Anthony Gonzalez himself as he was attending the press conference. One of the priceless experience I had this year.

I finally left high school marked by a school graduation on early June. The night after graduation, me with a few friends left for Bandung for a short trip. We went to Kineruku, one of my favorite indie bookstore and cafe, and ate seafood. In the middle of June, I started to join Indoestri Long + Haul program for the next 6 weeks and started doing yoga. Me and my classmates were also planning to hike Mount Mahameru.

On July, right before we went off to Malang for Mahameru, I found out about my backbone ache. The doctor said that I have a serious scoliosis. The fact made me kind of shock and worries, and for more further reasons, I cancelled my trip to hike Mount Mahameru. I do regretting the decision I made back then, but my condition made it impossible for me to go.

Some time before I graduated my 6 week course in Indoestri Long + Haul, I was helping out a friend as an event public relation, holding social media and copywriting jobs. The event was called Social Design for Social Living, a design exhibition created by communities in Indonesia (including Jatiwangi Art Factory) and Poland in National Gallery of Indonesia. I was also working with curators from Poland for the event. It was one of my turning point and big achievement that year.

August was also a month that I have been waiting for, because – summer music festival! Like the year before, I went to We The Fest for the second time this year. This time I went there with my best friends. Even though the rain won't stop pouring on the two days of We The Fest, we do still have fun and feel so happy for the event! I also checked off my bucket list to watch Breakbot and The Temper Trap live set.

On this month I also bought my first pocket analog camera and tried out my first ever 35mm roll. Turns out, my photos on the first roll were unexpectedly good! You can see a few of my analog shoots here or on my Instagram.

I started off to college on September. I was very nervous, of course. It was my first time again adapting with a new surrounding after almost four years. As the time goes, it all went pretty well. My group of friends on the class was good and I enjoy talking with them. And I finally experienced it myself how tough it is to be a graphic design student. It's not as easy as only drawing what you want, dear friends. I have warned you.

Another music festival I experienced this year was on October – Synchronize Fest! Another good local music festival presented by Demajors. The line-up were set up very well and it seems like this will be one of my favorite music festival. I attended the festival with my boyfriend and I really love the ambience there. Most of the line-up were indie musicians and you can see them everywhere like it was so normal, wandering around the venue while chit-chatting, also watching the other band performances. There was no gap between the audience and the performers, which I really like.

On the last two months of the year, two of my favorite films were releasing their new movie serials. On November, Warner Bros Studios was realising a new series from Harry Potter film which is Fantastic Beast and Where To Find Them. Finally after years, I got to see Harry Potter movie on the cinema again. My boyfriend made me watch it on the first release day in 4Dx3D cinema. I am a happy kid, indeed.

Last month of the year! On December, Disney was realising Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and yes I watched it on the first day again. Surely it was one of the best Star Wars movie and one of my favorite. In my honest opinion, this Rogue One is better than any Star Wars series. Best, unexpecting, and mind-blowing film. This month I also preparing up a lot of stuff with my team for my magazine. We will be releasing a lot of plans on 2017. Please do wish us luck. Fingers crossed!

I do hope all of the dreams and plans that I haven't accomplish in 2016 could be come true this year. I am going to make 2017 as my year! I hope you guys are also having a great new year. Cheers.



(read more of my tracklogs: 2014 and 2015)

My definition of a new year

Happy new year!

I have a bit different meanings for new year. Besides that I'm not a person who likes to celebrate new years eve on 31st of December with fireworks and BBQs, it's just never feels right for me to get a new resolution every 1st of January or such as thing. Okay, I can say that every 1st of January I always whispering to myself that I have to be better this year, well that's all..

But in this case, what I really like to say as a new year is the day when the number on my age changed. Here I can really meant it that I've became someone older and I've left the past year behind. I'm going to start a new chapter of life, new adventures and more positive mind. The day before I get older, I always looking back at things that I've went through that year. The good and the bad things. The joyful memories and the hurtful ones. The new friends and life lessons.

It's still the second month of the year, about three months to go until the day when the number on my age changed. Maybe I'll be going to add another new stories below, but right now when I have much time to write it down here, let's start over.

The new chapter starts at the third day of national exam. That morning, the second I opened my eyes, there's a wrapped gifts standing on my desk. A really sweet presents - terrariums themed birthday greetings written by the whole family and three books of Haruki Murakami's. Back then there's this one person who always coloring my days and before the d-day, he asked me what I'd love to get for a birthday present. DIY things was my answer and so he did, at the d-day he secretly put a birthday card (that he made by himself) inside my backpack. Another one sweet thing happened that day also a friend of mine surprisingly brought me a bag full of snacks and a letter. I ended the day with taking a commuter-line and bought a flower for myself on the way home.

Not so long after that day, I got accepted to be one of Indonesian Youth's comittee, which is also one of the big start for me that brings lots of luck until today. And so I spent the past year mostly with them and myself as the youngest comittee. I met a lot of new people with marvelous backgrounds also tons of memories. Also with my creative team in Knacker Magazine I launched some magazine issues last year. One of my favorite issue, Knacker #11 got the highest reads than ever before. Also in this issue, I met new creative friends that still being a good friend until today.

They say, when life gives you lemon - make lemonade. And what is life without lemons, right? As the time went, there's some drama things happened to me in one and another place. It's too hurt too spill it out again the details in here, besides I'm trying to forgive & forget the memories. But not so long after the drama, until now, I have found new joyful things with my new surroundings. Well at the end, it was okay.

Towards the end of 2015, Indonesian Youth Conference, the event that I've mentioned before has successfully held at November. I also got accepted to be one of the Liasion Officer (LO) at Indoestri Makerspace - a really nice place for creative people, maker of things and independent business owner. Yes, I feel so thankful for all of this. I can say that this year was my year!

It was a crazy and so-called life changing year so far. I must be really grateful the most for Knacker Magazine & my team as the starter for all of the adventurous things I've been through this far. I can say this year was the year I feel free yet to be responsible for my own self. The year when I went to gig the most, hanging out with friends, setting up schedule and more. This year, I tried a lot of stuff that I've never tried before and it was pretty nice to figure out new things. Well there's still 3 months to come and I will definitely updating this post for more unpredictable joyful things to come!

Last but not least, I want to say thank you to everyone who has become part of my adventurous year. Everyone, the ones who brings joy nor sadness (guys you make me strong!), and of course, you!

Yours truly,

N