The Art of Self Acceptance

Kalau boleh jujur, sama sekali tidak mudah rasanya merangkai dan berbagi cerita ini dalam satu rangkuman blog. Tapi saya percaya, berbagi pikiran dan cerita personal selalu memiliki kekuatannya sendiri. So here goes my side of the story.

Jika dilihat kembali sekitar dua sampai tiga tahun ke belakang, rasanya cukup sedih. Pada tahun-tahun tersebut, saya ingat betul bagaimana saya merasa sangat insecure terhadap diri saya sendiri, terutama pada penampilan dan muka saya. Memang, tidak ada yang salah dengan penampilan atau muka saya secara tampilan fisik. Akan tetapi saya mengalami trauma yang menjalar pada perasaan ketakutan dan aksi saya akan menghindari tatap muka langsung dengan cermin, di manapun saya berada.

Pada tahun-tahun tersebut sangat sulit rasanya setiap kali berada di bangku belakang mobil, menatap cermin spion dan melihat refleksi bibir saya. Saya sangat tidak suka bibir saya. Atau ketika saya sedang berjalan di mall dan berjalan melewati cermin di lorong yang tentu saja langsung saya hindari sebelum saya bisa melihat refleksi diri saya di sana. Saya tidak suka melihat muka saya. Atau ketika tidak sengaja saya melihat refleksi muka saya pada handphone yang sedang mati, kamera depan yang tanpa sengaja terbuka, atau ketika orang lain mengambil foto saya secara tanpa saya sadari. Saya tidak pernah mau melihat hasil foto tersebut, karena saya tidak suka melihat refleksi penampilan saya di sana. Malah terkadang saya langsung merasa kesal dan meminta foto tersebut untuk segera dihapus sebelum saya sempat melihatnya. Saya merasa setidak nyaman dan setidak suka itu dengan muka dan penampilan saya.

Ada beberapa malam yang saya habiskan dengan menangis karena saya tidak suka dengan bibir saya, muka saya, dan penampilan saya. Rasanya kata-kata "Kamu cantik kok" yang terlontar dari orang-orang terdekat saya sangat, sangat, sangat tidak relevan dengan diri saya, sama sekali tidak dapat saya rasakan hal tersebut ada di dalam diri saya.

Titik balik saya dalam proses ini adalah ketika saya secara lambat laun sadar, bahwa membandingkan diri kita dengan orang lain tidak akan ada habisnya. Saya sadar hal ini membuat saya lelah secara fisik dan mental, lelah sekali. Saya akhirnya yakin bahwa hal itu tidak ada gunanya sama sekali. You are you. Secantik atau sehebat apapun seseorang, pasti tetap ada orang yang lebih cantik dan hebat lagi darinya. And the list keep goes on. Saya menyadari betapa banyak figur yang terlihat cantik tanpa kulit putih, bibir tipis kemerahan, bentuk muka yang lancip, atau apapun itu yang sudah biasa menjadi stereotype figur kecantikan. Saya baru kembali menyadari bahwa kebanyakan orang yang selama ini saya anggap cantik, ternyata tidak semua dari mereka memiliki fisik yang "sempurna". Saya sadar kecantikan mereka tercermin dari dalam diri mereka, dari aura positif yang mereka bawa.

Dalam proses penerimaan ini, saya tidak tinggal diam. Saya sadar bahwa semuanya dimulai dari diri sendiri. No one could do it better than our very own self. Saya seringkali menyimpan reminder-reminder di pikiran saya, di wallpaper handphone, di desktop laptop, dan di tempat-tempat yang mudah terjangkau oleh mata saya. Selain itu, dukungan dari orang-orang terdekat juga sangat membantu. Coba ceritakan apa yang menjadi beban pikiran ke orang terdekat yang paling kita percayai, ask for their help to always reminds us about positive thoughts.

Terakhir, jangan pernah lupa untuk bersikap baik kepada semua orang. Hold all of the nasty comments in our heads. Kita nggak pernah tau seberapa besar impact yang akan terjadi dari sebuah komentar kecil pada seseorang. Kind words cost nothing! :)

I'm not the bright kid at school

To my dear pals, 

Whoever you are in the classroom will never define who you are in the world out there.

---

Saya percaya semua, semua orang dilahirkan dengan potensinya masing-masing yang tentu saja berbeda-beda. No one ever born useless. Tinggal kita yang melihat dari mana kita mau melihat peluang potensi itu. Kamu suka berbicara? Kamu berpotensi dalam membangun relasi kemanusiaan. Kamu senang menjadi pusat perhatian? Kamu berpotensi dalam menjadi figur publik. Kamu sering menggambar di belakang buku catatan sekolahmu? Kamu berpotensi dalam seni rupa. Kamu senang menyuarakan pendapatmu? Kamu berpotensi dalam membawa dunia ini menjadi tempat yang lebih baik.

Penjabaran hal ini akan terus berlanjut, dan semua hal-hal sederhana yang ada di sekitar kita ternyata dapat membawa kita ke suatu titik yang tidak pernah kita perkirakan sebelumnya. Sayangnya seringkali hal-hal sederhana ini dianggap sebagai suatu kesalahan di dalam ruang tempat kita "belajar" yang dikenal sebagai ruang kelas di sekolah. Selalu ada pembatas tak berwujud di antara anak-anak tekun yang bernilai tinggi, dan anak-anak "gadungan" yang bernilai rendah. Tentu saja dua kubu ini dilabeli dengan statement-nya masing-masing. Anak-anak tekun akan lulus dengan nilai baik dan mendapat pekerjaan yang layak di dunia luar nanti. Sementara anak-anak gadungan akan lulus dengan seada-adanya dan sulit mencapai "kesuksesan".

Lalu ada apa dengan tanda kutip pada kata-kata di atas? Saya tidak merasa "belajar" yang kita konsumsi di dalam ruang kelas adalah sesuatu yang seharusnya kita konsumsi sebagai pelajaran yang sesungguhnya. Saya tidak merasa anak-anak "gadungan" terlahir tidak berguna dan tidak memiliki masa depan yang baik. Saya percaya "kesuksesan" tidak hanya sekedar nilai di atas kertas. Bagi saya, hal ini merupakan kesalahan besar yang cukup fatal. Saya sangat menyayangkan hal ini sudah menjadi asupan kita semua (termasuk saya sendiri, tentu saja) yang sudah terbentuk dari dulu, dulu, dulu.

Berbagai kesempatan berharga yang saya dapat dalam kurun waktu secepat ini mengajarkan saya tentang keadaan di dunia luar sesungguhnya. Teman-teman dari berbagai latar belakang yang berbeda menuturkan kisahnya dari sisi pandang mereka masing-masing. Seiring berjalannya waktu, pola dalam pemikiran saya seakan semakin terlengkapi. Nyatanya, tidak semua teman-teman yang bisa memimpin dengan hebat memiliki angka yang bagus dalam buku rapor sekolah. Di sisi lain ada juga teman-teman yang memiliki kesempatan untuk mendapat pendidikan ke luar benua Asia secara cuma-cuma karena pencapaiannya yang baik di sekolah. Hal ini mengajarkan saya bahwa kenyataan akan masa depan nanti ditentukan murni oleh diri kita sendiri, murni atas pilihan kita masing-masing.

Melalui tulisan ini, saya tidak bermaksud membela satu belah kubu. Memang saya tidak pernah suka dengan sekolah dan sering mengelak dengan segala hal yang berjalan di dalamnya, akan tetapi saya tidak mengatakan entah teman-teman yang berpotensi atau tidak di dalam kelas sebagai suatu kesalahan. Kembali lagi pada perkataan saya sebelumnya, saya percaya semua orang memiliki potensinya masing-masing. Tinggal bagaimana kita melihatnya. Tidak hanya sekali dua kali saya merasa iri dengan teman-teman yang bisa lebih berpotensi dalam hal ketekunan belajar. Saya pun mengagumi hal tersebut, akan tetapi saya sadar bahwa pencapaian setiap orang berbeda-beda termasuk pencapaian saya sendiri.

Set your goal right. Semuanya akan kembali kepada siapa dirimu sesungguhnya. It will always, always be one sharp point that the world will see and it remains forever. Remember – always lift up the wildness inside you. Don't let it die.

Story About the Butterfly

There was a time when I met a man with good thoughts. That one time, he taught me about the butterfly effect – how a small touch could make a really big difference.

As someone who is working in art and design on daily basis, this little piece always helps me on the creative process. Whenever I feel like there is something missing from the work, I always try to give it a little touch of this butterfly effect. Surprisingly, it always works.

This, is something that I always stick to my mind and one of the strong reason why I never forget this man.

When you met someone and they made a good impression in you, you wont be able to forget the person. Let's say, we forget their name but we will never forget their look – and moreover – their piece out thoughts, right?

Then be one.

Between hijab, equality rights, and freedom issues

I am not the kind of a very good person or intellect enough to give a preachment — because I am not even trying to give a preachment — I just want to share a piece of my thoughts through this article, this is how I think through issues.

I started wearing hijab since I started Junior High School. My parents never forced me to wear hijab. My high school back then also one-of-a-kind of school that never forced the students to do this and that and teaching us to be responsible with the choices we take in life instead. At that time, there was a moment when I felt like I need it and to be responsible with my religious obligations, so I thought that was the time when I need to start wearing hijab. It was not difficult to get adapted with my surroundings at that time because almost all of them were Muslim and wearing hijab as well. I still remember the happy faces they made once they found out I started to wearing hijab.

One day, there was a time when I started to going through a new surroundings, leaving my comfort zone behind. I met a lot of new people with various backgrounds and almost all of them were older than me. By various backgrounds I really mean VARIOUS backgrounds – this is the point when I felt like the world is so biiiig! As the time goes on, I figured out that knowing them is a new thing, but adapting with them is the other new thing. I really enjoyed sharing minds with them and I really like their way of thinking. This is how I started to learn more about the freedom to speak up for your own opinion and shout it out to the world.

Until today, this is how my surroundings has created my mindset. People always say to be aware in choosing the right friends for you. Well I did. It never crossed my mind just because this is how the way I think made them as the wrong friends for me. The more I learn, the more I understand that this is also how my closest surroundings, which is my family, also rising me in the same mindset.

Back to talking about the hijab issues. For me, going to concerts or hanging out with boys are okay – as long as we know the limits and know how to protect ourselves. Some people found that it is not appropriate for someone who is wearing veil to go to concerts, dancing, and even singing to the music.

For me, this is how the thing goes. All of us are the same, we are humans. Just because some of us covering our heads under a veil, that doesn't mean we are trying to be seen as a good or religious person. We are just trying to be a better person for ourself and our own beliefs. I know that everybody also trying to be a better person and for me, wearing veil is one of some many ways to reach the goal. There is only one thing that makes all of us different – it is only the matter of ways in how we try to reach the goal. Difference doesn't always mean a bad thing, right? I know a lot of great, good, smart people who doesn't wear hijab. Because it does not define who we are. Darling, the world is so big.

We never know what makes a person become a person or what kind of life they experiencing, so just let it be. Sometimes the things that is right for us could be wrong for other people. And sometimes we can't see why is it wrong for them – where actually, it's just all about our surroundings and how it creates our mindset. And so do this article. You can disagree with the thing that I wrote down in here and it is totally okay because we all have our own rights to understand one and another thing.

"Today, seven billion people experienced this day in a different way."

See you on the next post!

illustration via weheartit

March's Bucket of Blessings

So far, March has been a real tough month for me. But hey, when life gives you lemon, there is always something good about it, right? Yes - you can make a lemonade out of it. In between the difficulties, there's also the marvelous things happened. The same thing happened in my life, this month. Here below I want to share the most unpredictable things happened in the month of March.

Me and a few friends currently working a video campaign for one of Jakarta's online motorbike application company. We did the storyline and concepting which turns out to be really good. The story once inspired by one of the driver who turns out to be a man with limitations to speak.

In this project, I was appointed to be the talent officer. I am responsible to manage and prepare the talents before the shooting day, contact them, and so on. This makes me have a lot of chance to talk with Pak G*, the driver man. The first time I phoned him was on the shooting day, when I wanted to ask his current location. And it was really magical. With his limitations to speak, he still tried his best to tell his current location.

photo taken by Sabila Anata on shooting day

Once he arrived on the shooting location, we greeted him and he seems kind of confused at first. I lead him to wait at the talent room with the others. There, with a bunch of other crew and talent friends, we were talking and joking and I'm glad that he was into the conversation and sometimes even laughed. As the time went on that day, I could feel that he was more adapted with his surroundings. Until the end of the day, he seemed really happy. His happy face simply makes me feel happy and grateful. It was a really priceless emotions.

In between the shooting, we also talked about his personal life. It all was like a hit to me, a big self reminder. When we feel like at our worst, always remember that someone out there is carrying an even more big problem than ours. Like, with all of the things we have now... Perfect body and good life, for me it's kind of unfair if sometimes we still think that we are the worst person on earth. Remember to always appreciate the little things, dear friends.

big family of the talents and crew that day, with Megan held the camera

There are two sides to every story.

At one time, someone taught me a life-trick. We are living in a world where we have to be the one that need to follow things, instead of hoping the world would follow after us. Playing the game of life, you can't always hoping for everyone to like you. Every single of us certainly have that one person who dislike us and it's totally okay. What we need to do is trying to adapt in any kind of situation with any kind of people. Which is a good idea for me and I keep it in mind. 

The other day, I had dinner with a couple of friends and we just got at the moment where we were talking about the same topic.

"Nope, it's different for me. I would let the world follow after me. I always have this one thing I keep in mind; where in a box full of needles, grey and sharp needles, there is always this one tiny, red needle. When someone opens the box, this red needle is the one that they see at the first glance.” he said, reacted to my opinion.

And I also agreed.

His opinion makes me think again about the idea of truly being ourselves and having a strong character, not only keeping up with the world. Sometimes we do need to make the world follow after us. Let them follow us. Be inspiring.

It’s a really good idea to be different from the others and it’s not a bad thing, as long as we know the limits of ‘being different’. Because we all know that being ’too different’ wont do any good either too to our surroundings and the world. 

After I think about it all over again, the 'red-needle' people somehow always stand out in the crowd like they have this kind of attractive power that reflects from their beautiful minds. It really does. Maybe for the world, their appearance or passing-look are not as attractive as those beauty darlings, but once we know them, they will eventually stole this one space in our mind that makes us always remember them and the words they said. We will let ourselves inspired by them. 

I do have some friends that somehow always inspire me. I like the way they look on daily basis, the way they think and react to people, how they spill out their thoughts and things inspire them to the world, and so on. It’s always attractive and no matter what they do, we always know that it’s really ‘their own style'. They have this strong-different character that always inspire people because yes, they are the red-needle people.

One thing I learn from the conversation is how we should not be afraid to show the world about who we truly are. Don’t let your own self always follow after the world, but let the world follow after you. Always remember to stay close with people who makes you feel glad to be alive and surrounds yourself with the beautiful souls. 

Yours truly,

N

In this past year I've learned that there's so many kind of people and way of thinking.
Every people you met has their own perspective in things that you can't change,
yet each of them are unique in their own way.

Every time this thing came across my mind,
Every now and again, I feel so thankful.

In this whole world full of people and way of thinking,
I know a bunch of people that appreciate what I am doing right now,
Appreciate my works,
Appreciate my existence.

Even though sometimes, their way of thinking is different with mine.
But still, they do appreciate.
They are the people who makes me feel alive,
the people who makes me feel thankful for this life.


Once again, thank you.


both image via tumblr.

Currently Listening to

"Di dalam hidup ada saat untuk berhati – hati atau berhenti berlari / Tawamu lepas dan tangis kau redam di dalam mimpi yang kau simpan sendiri / Sumpah serapah yang kau ucap tak kembali / Tak kembali / Semua harap yang terucap akan kembali / Akan kembali / Saat kau menerima dirimu dan berdamai dengan itu / Kau menari dengan waktu tanpa ragu yang membelenggu."

—

On the last few days I keep on replaying Taifun album by BARASUARA.

The first time I heard it, I was really amazed. 

Its music and lyrics are beyond beautiful, 

I am so thankful to God Indonesia has a lot of talented local bands.

I have no much words to describe this album, 

the pieces of my heart flew away with all of the words

everytime I heard the songs.

For those who haven't heard Taifun album yet, 

I really recommend you to catch a listen really soon.

You won't regret it, I promise.

Huge greetings to Indonesia creative industries.

Sometimes there's too many things going inside my head.

It feels like the lights that blinking along the New York Times Square.

And sometimes, I feel like turning it off.

With a blink of eye, let it be dark and all black.



Like a chloroform, it all buried at once whenever I feel like to shut it off.

No sound, no noise, no lights.

I will let my brain rest from all of the thoughts.



In the dark, I left a little light with me.

It binds me with the promise

Once I finished the rest, I have to turn on all of the lights again.



It's like the one little light give me hope.

It embraces me with spirits.

It's just a little light.

But it is the one that give the biggest impulse to me.



Dear you,

If you read this,

I just want you to know,

You are the little light that shine out of me.

Stay gold.




image taken from picslist.com

Sometimes when I feel like giving up,

It makes a lot of pressure to me.

There's a lot of things that seems so hard and so unclear,

I feel like not being myself,

I feel strange.

I feel like I didn't want to do this anymore,

I cried, I feel angry with myself, I feel broken.

I failed.


But on the other side,

I know.

If I give up now, all of this tears and madness would be useless.

Otherwise,

If I choose to get up now, all of this tears and shit will going to be worth one day.

And yes, it's true.

Because that's just how things work — it's our choice.

To be patient, or to be fragile as glass.



It doesn't matter how many times you fall,
Because what matters is how many times you get up, and get going.



And today,
I choose to get up.
Again.


Because I don't want all of this shit just being shit.
It has to be worth, one day.



Failure doesn't break us,
It makes us stronger.

I'm in between a thousand of happy days.

I hope these days would last forever.

Thank you, Allah.

Movie Crush: God Help the Girl

This movie was totally change my mind. Saya akan mengoceh banyak tentang film ini dan segala hal yang saya suka tentangnya -- yang pada dasarnya saya menyukai hampir keseluruhannya. Setelah melihat beberapa review di Mubi dan majalah, saya tertarik untuk coba menonton film yang satu ini. Dan benar-benar sesuai harapan, bahkan lebih! 

Hal pertama yang paling menarik hati saya adalah bagaimana si tokoh utama, Eve mencocokkan bajunya dengan outer dan sepatu yang tepat. Beberapa ini adalah outfit Eve favorit saya. Kardigan dan dress besar, jaket denim, kemeja dan celana berwarna khaki, gelang-gelang, sepatu dan kaos kaki, dan banyak lagi! 

Selain outfit Eve, kepribadian dan gayanya juga cukup menginspirasi. Saya dapat merasakan bagaimana si aktris sangat berbakat dalam peran Eve yang ia jalani, sehingga mencerminkan bahwa Eve adalah seorang perempuan yang cuek dan merasa sangat nyaman dengan menjadi dirinya sendiri.

tape and vinyl record -- my favourites

Sepanjang film berjalan, Eve selalu mengingatkan saya akan si manis Lauren Mayberry--lead singer band elektronik CHVRCHES. Terlebih lagi saat ia mulai bernyanyi. Mereka memiliki banyak kesamaan dan saya suka itu. Mulai dari poni dan gaya rambut, gerak-gerik saat menari dan bernyanyi, sampai garis eyeliner mereka. And because of her, I decided to chop-chop my hair to a bang. 

Musik dan efek warna kekuningan yang mewarnai film ini juga menjadi favorit saya. Selain filmnya, saya pun jatuh cinta dengan soundtrack dari God Help the Girl ini. Over all, buat saya cerita dan segalanya sangat menarik. All I can say is, this movie sucessfully steals my heart.

Saya percaya,
suatu hari nanti,
diri saya akan sangat berterima kasih akan apa yang sudah saya lakukan sekarang

semua peluh,
tangis,
jatuh dan bangkit,
suatu hari nanti,
diri saya akan sangat berterima kasih akan semua itu

pasti.

Still on repeat

When will we believe it, when will we see the light?
Stop running from it; why do we keep denying?
That we can feel it, when we've got each other
And we are electric together

---

Well we can settle down
Start a family
Cos' you're my best friend
And this is love song number 23

How to be a great person: Have good manners!

Say please and thank you, it will make people feel appreciated.

Never intentionally embarrass another person, because everyone deserves respect.

Never talk only about oneself, instead, ask how the other person is doing.

Never ask personal questions in your first meeting. Why so nosy anyway?

Greet people, say hello more often whether it is the mailman or the barista making your coffee, just say hello where you come into contact with another person.

Speak politely by never talking over someone and interrupting them. Just because you are busting to say something that fits the conversation, wait and slip it in when you can.

Congratulate others on their success, and be genuine about it.

Drive nicely. It can be hard to do, but is it such a big deal to let someone into your lane ahead of you? All in all, put safety first.

Introduce others into the conversation rather than let them be wallflowers on the edge. Introduce them to the group and highlight what you have been talking about so they can get up to speed quickly.

Never smoke in front of others without seeking approval. Ask if you can smoke or leave it until later.

Never arrive late or not at all without calling ahead. Everyone’s time is important and again, it reflects back on your character.

Laugh, smile, giggle, cry with dignity. Do not make a scene.

Smile, be interested in the surroundings.

Dress appropriately, because it is generally rude to call a certain attention to yourself. Such as wearing jeans to a wedding, looking sloppy.

Speak properly, make it a habit to pronounce your words clearly and refrain from mumbling or speaking too fast. 

Never assume anything about anyone. "She's so rich, it'll be okay if I don't pay her back for lunch."

Never touch another person's things or children unless invited to.

Never talk about money. "How much does it cost?", "What did you pay for your house?", "How much do you earn?", "How much do you make from your business.".


Practice good manners, because manners are kindness.

:)


(reblog from Diana Rikasari)

"Karena pada dasarnya, perasaan bahagia yang paling membahagiakan adalah ketika kita melihat orang lain tersenyum bahagia, 
dan kita adalah alasan dibalik senyum bahagia itu."

Always give people more than they expect to get.