This year started out just fine. My Taurus sun has already planned everything throughout the year – I'll be finishing my internship program + graduating on the mid-year, and wide-open job opportunities are calling afterward. Until in March, the pandemic hits.
At first, I was doing fine with the pandemic and started to like things better (esp. about how everything can be done from home) but sometimes the schedule could drive me crazy with the mixed up of work & life balance from finishing my college final project, internship work tasks, to life at home. Eventually, it didn't go as well as I started out. I was diagnosed with psychosomatic that triggered by heavy stress during the days and it was not easy at all to fully focus on the healing with my aim to finish everything all at once.
As time went by, I finished it all with a tough heart. I finished both my internship task & my college final project with (my own version of) great achievements. I left a good mark. As I planned early on before, I let myself take a little downtime afterward as I started to look out for jobs. I was looking for everything that I could dream of because now is the time to worry less about my career and just doing what I've been dreaming of - a position as a creative copywriter, an internship at Google, an opportunity at a big studio, you name it.
During this time, my brother who has always love to cook started to spend more time in the kitchen. I have never been really interested in cooking, until that time. I started to watch more often every time my brother cook and tried to explore more recipes on my own. In addition to that, our mother has always been a great chef at home. Since then, we always set a daily menu and take turns in the kitchen to cook every day. This is how Another Cook Blog starts as a log of our home-cookings, yet later become a weekly small business and one of our highlight this year.
Besides cooking for ACB, I also gave a lot of thought to my further plan. Do I really want to go to work this soon? Do I dare enough to try something new? It finally came to the conclusion that I want to take a Master's Degree in Japan, an idea that I used to refuse back in my undergraduate college years. I want to learn more things, as far as I can get. I want to know how it feels like to live in Japan. I want to know other people's perspective from another side of the world. I want to look and explore beyond the border. This is probably the time I can seize the opportunity, time, spirit energy to take further education. Since then, I started to learn Japanese every day, look for my dream college option and scholarship, watch more Ghibli and Japanese TV shows, and so on.
After all, this year is not only about achievement and plans, not only about the things that I have on the outside but also on the inside. Being away from people and the routine really helps me to know myself more. It was really hard at the beginning because I didn't have any distractions at all from the things that happened inside my head - everything seems stuck inside and I can't get it out. In addition to that, I also had some issues with letting go. Letting go of people, routine, work, you name it. I still want to have everything all at once. It was a very hard shifting that I experienced as I am facing this lockdown season right after I finished my internship and final college project, ones that used to keep me really busy during the day, suddenly finished altogether. I used to be so scared to be the one left behind by the others.
It was not easy at all but I know that I need to learn to let go. So I tried to look for a positive distraction. I started to rebuild my morning routine from an early morning walk, meditate, followed by a slow and mindful breakfast. This really helps me to clear out my mind from all the mind fog and nonsense. I locked a limit to my daily schedule and I tried to work smarter instead of work harder. I started to fully accept and believe in no one but myself. I started to think about things more clearly. From now on, I believe that enough is enough and I don't need to achieve everything all at once nor any validation from anyone. The journey wasn't done in a day, but I pushed myself to get through it. Fast forward to the end of this year, I am confident and happy, more than ever. I define and believe in my own path, I feel confident with my own self, and I feel happy inside and outside.
Despite everything that happened this year, I still can't imagine what I'd be without this pandemic season. I feel grateful more than ever for this year. For those who know me, I am not the kind of person who celebrates New Year's Eve but this time is different. I feel like I have unlocked a big chain this year and I am ready for whatever it takes in the new year. Happy holidays!
